The Sickie
Our favourite Christmas present this year was The Ladybird Book of the Sickie. Here are some stories about sickies to inspire you in 2017:
Laurence and Ben are enjoying a bout of imaginary food poisoning.
Food poisoning is always good because it is over quickly and nobody likes to hear stories about toilets.
Charlie told his line manager he was going to the funeral of his Uncle Nigel when he was, in fact, watching the men’s singles final at Wimbledon.
But, to his horror, he fount out that Uncle Nigel and his line manager are members of the same choir.
He is having to lure Uncle Nigel into the cellar where he will be kept until Charlie can find a new job.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
But eating nothing but apples is a good way of inducing strategic diarrhoea.
When Jesse gets home from a very big party, he phones his manager and leaves a message. Now he does not have to get up too early to call in sick.
“Calling the office at 3.07am is exactly what someone with a real cold would do,” Jesse thinks to himself as he falls asleep on his stairs with a kebab for a pillow.
This state-of-the-art telephone processing centre is installed in the HR department of a national supermarket chain.
It can cope with sickie volumes of upt to 40 calls per minute during the Wolrd Cup, Six Nations Rugby, or the first it’s really cold after the clocks go back.
Sacha cannot go to work today because she is sick.
She is particularly sick of Kizzy in the office going on about this new Danish mini-series about soaking-wet yachtsmen.
When Sacha has seen all twelve episodes, she will probably be well enough to go back to work.
Ghyslain has taken the day off work with a serious illness. He has a bad headache, listlessness, nausea, dizziness, dry mouth, feverish sweats and blotchy skin.
Ghyslain quietly gives thanks to Wikipedia that the symptoms of Lyme disease so conveniently match the symptoms of eleven pints of Belgian fruit cider.